I'll find you anyway
by Alexiper
Summary: Another short drabble about what might happen on New Year's Eve. S3, Karmy.
Another short drabble (I keep churning them out, it seems) about New Year's Eve. I think this one might actually be accurate, in terms of what might happen in the series. But we'll see…

* * *

She didn't know. It wasn't much of an excuse, seeing how the truth had just about been banging itself against her head, but she'd ignored it just as stubbornly. But then came the night— _that_ night—when she'd seen Sabrina kiss Amy, and she'd felt her insides twist in agony. Once Amy had run inside, leaving a perplexed Sabrina on the sidewalk, Karma had just about flown to her car for refuge. It was there that Felix— _Felix_ of all people—had confronted her, because she seemed more upset about that kiss than he was, and _he_ was supposed to be romantically interested in Amy. Of course, Karma had initially chalked that up to the fact that Felix was a more introverted person than Karma was; she knew that he kept a lot of things in, while Karma was the queen of lashing out and acting impulsively when she couldn't handle something. Karma knew that it wasn't because _Felix_ wasn't breathing heavily (like _she_ was), or wasn't trying to keep in his tears (like _she_ was), or wasn't on the verge of an emotional breakdown (like _she_ was) that he wasn't at all affected by what he'd seen. He told her— _reassured_ her—that he was jealous, too, but he also added—cautiously, casually—that there might be something incongruous about _Karma_ being _as_ jealous—if not _more_ jealous—as/than he was. Before he left Karma's car when she dropped him off at his house, he asked her again—cautiously, casually—that maybe, instead of trying to steer Amy's feelings, that maybe Karma should consider her own feelings for a moment.

That had shut her up. At first, Karma had been a little irked that Felix had dared to put such a question to her. And so, initially, she had pushed it aside as usual, and had continued her usual scheming—now with an even higher intensity—to keep Sabrina away from Amy at all costs. She had discovered the existence of Sabrina's 'made-up' boyfriend. She had rocked Amy to sleep that night, and couldn't think about how good it felt to have Amy in her arms again. For a moment, then, Karma had thought that everything would be all right.

But then Sabrina came back, announced that she'd broken up with her boyfriend, and confessed that, while she had started out as a fake, she had developed genuine feelings for Amy in the process. Amy had believed her—how couldn't she, when she had gone through exactly the same herself? And while Karma was livid at first, seeing them together made it blatantly obvious to everyone around that Sabrina wasn't lying. Sabrina really _did_ look at Amy _that way_ , and though Karma had cried herself to sleep that night, there was nothing she could do now.

That's when Felix' question had come back to her, and in the absence of more possible schemes to consider, Karma had finally allowed herself to really think about it. She went over it again and again: all their time together, all the kisses they shared, all the moments of emotional turmoil, and whether at any of those times her actions hadn't subconsciously been driven by something more than just friendship. She had grit her teeth against the possibility, had thought _No, no, NO,_ over and over again, but at the end of the day she had to admit that Sabrina had dared what she hadn't dared to even consider: that she might have feelings for Amy. That Sabrina had been much quicker in being honest with herself— _and_ Amy—about her true feelings, and she'd been rewarded for her honesty. And Karma? Karma still didn't know, but after her fifth crying jag, she felt a door inside of her open—a door which she'd kept locked up for so long, and which she'd barricaded even more assiduously lately. But it had opened, and now that a faint trace of light started trickling into her mind, she realized she couldn't go back now. As much as she wanted to, and as much as she clung to her old image of herself—straight, normal—there _was_ no going back now.

But she was too late. Amy was with someone else—someone who made her genuinely happy—and it didn't matter now. Regardless of their history, and regardless of Amy's confession that one time that maybe a part of her would always be in love with Karma, Karma didn't want to jeopardize her friend's relationship.

Being an adult sucked.

And then New Year's Eve arrived, and they were in the Ashcroft garden, gathered around a fire basket. Karma hadn't been able to keep her eyes off her best friend the entire night, and she realized how much of a lovesick puppy she must've looked to anyone who had been paying attention. She still didn't say anything. She just watched, and whenever Amy smiled, she smiled, and whenever she laughed, Karma felt a flutter in her stomach. Even though Sabrina was there too, with a hand around her waist. Karma watched the light from the fire play across Amy's face, and suddenly an intense longing took hold of her. When Amy loosened herself from Sabrina's side for a bathroom break, Karma felt a tug in her stomach, and she couldn't help herself: she followed Amy. And when she heard the toilet flush, and heard Amy close the door and make her way through the living room, Karma's heart started beating out of her chest. She intercepted her friend before she reached the door.

'Hey,' she said.

'Hey…' Amy said. 'Aren't you—gonna go outside? Countdown will start soon.'

'Yeah! I know,' Karma said. 'And I will. But I—I.' She sighed and took a step closer. 'I wanted to tell you something.'

Amy cast her a look which held the middle between curious and worried.

'It's nothing to be worried about,' Karma assured her immediately. She tried very hard to keep her tone light. 'At least…' She lifted her eyes to Amy's grey ones. She felt her heartbeat in her throat. 'I—came to a realization, the past few weeks. And I just, I wanted you to know, or I wanted to _tell_ you, at least, because…' Karma sighed in frustration. Gritting her teeth, she decided not to beat around the bush anymore. 'Amy, I think I'm in love with you.'

Amy's expression couldn't have been more shocked if she'd been struck by lightning. Her mouth fell open, and she looked at Karma, speechless and wide-eyed. 'Karma, what…?'

'I know, it's…' Karma said, with a tight smile. Taking a deep breath, she took a step closer yet. Encouraged when Amy didn't back down. 'I just, I wanted to make sure…' And with that, she leaned in and planted her lips on Amy's—softly, softly. She didn't even move, but even the light connection was enough to make her skin buzz, and her heart rate to increase tenfold. She pressed closer for one tiny second before pulling back.

When she looked up, Amy looked dazed. Karma thought she'd never looked more beautiful, and her heart constricted painfully. Amy blinked. 'You're not drunk.'

A chuckle tumbled from Karma's throat. 'No, I'm not drunk,' she said. She sighed. 'This is all you.' She was sure her eyes spelled hearts as she looked up at her best friend.

Amy breathed in slowly, then frowned. 'Karma… I'm with Sabrina.'

Something slammed Karma's chest, and she smiled painfully. 'I know.'

'We're… a real thing, Karma, it's not just… I'm not just going to let her go.'

'I _know_ ,' Karma repeated. She squared her shoulders, and looked back up at Amy. 'And I give you my blessing.'

Amy's eyebrows rose. 'You do?' she said, confusedly. 'But you don't even like her.'

Karma shrugged, her eyebrows contracting. She felt tears gathering behind her eyes, and her voice sounded slightly choked up, but even so she forced the next words from her throat: 'If you love something, set it free.'

She could see realization dawning on Amy's face then, because she had never liked Liam either, but even then—

But Karma couldn't finish her thought, because then Amy grasped her cheeks, and she was kissing her, _really_ kissing her, with a passionate, raw intensity. It remained a chaste kiss, and it only lasted for five seconds, but it left Karma shaking on her legs. When Amy pulled back, she rested her forehead against Karma's.

'Dammit, Karma.'

Karma sniffed even as she smiled. 'I really have shit timing, don't I?'

A chuckle tumbled from Amy's throat. She stepped back. She cast her eyes around, as if looking for answers. 'Karma, I love you, but…'

It was so tempting then, to finish Amy's sentence for her: 'Just not like that.' But Karma didn't want to do that to Amy—possibly risk another one of those kisses which, while exhilarating, would leave her in an emotional mess for days to come (she _knew_ ). It wasn't fair to Amy. Instead, she pressed her lips together and nodded. 'I know.'

Taking a deep breath, Karma took a step back. 'You should go back out there,' she said. 'Sabrina will be waiting for you.' She tried to put on a happy face for her best friend, to show that she supported her relationship—and she really _did_ —but she knew Amy could probably see right through it.

'Aren't you coming?' she said. A small smile graced her face. 'I really don't want to start the new year without you.'

Karma felt a pinch in her heart at the words. God, if Karma had only known what the least of _her_ affectionate words had done to Amy at the time… 'I'll be out right away, I promise,' she said. 'Just give me a minute.' Her voice started to wobble while she uttered the last sentence, and she knew she was dangerously close to tears now. She looked down even as she felt Amy scrutinizing her closely. She felt another jolt as her best friend took her hand and squeezed it, before letting go.

'Okay.'

And then Karma stood rooted to the ground as she watched Amy walk away, and it was so tempting then, to run up to her bedroom and bawl her eyes out. But she couldn't. She had to keep it together, for the sake of her friend. Karma really was happy that Amy seemed happy with Sabrina, even though she still didn't like her. But just like Amy had done when she'd been with Liam, she would put on a brave face. She'd weather the storm, until either these feelings would go away, or until… But she couldn't think about that. Either were unlikely to happen, she thought. She took a deep breath, dabbed her eyes, then followed Amy outside.

Countdown was just about to start, and she was met by a chorus of ' _There_ you are' as she reached her friends. They were all there: Shane and Noah, Liam and Lauren, Amy and Sabrina, and Felix. Seeing all her friends together, gathered around the fire basket, filled her with a warmth she couldn't have imagined just a minute ago. She accepted a champagne glass from Shane as she joined the countdown.

10… 9…8… She cast a glance at Felix, who was looking at her sideways. She offered him a small smile, and she could tell that he knew what'd just happened. He raised his glass at her, and she smiled.

7… 6…5… She looked at Shane and Noah, her bandmates, finally happy together. They'd have many more fun times together, she thought. She smiled at Shane, and he flashed her his boyish crooked grin.

4… 3… She looked at Liam, and smiled at him too, happy with his arm curled around Lauren. She was really happy for him, and while she wasn't sure she and Lauren would ever be best friends, she wished her all the happiness in their relationship.

2… 1… She cast her eyes at Amy last, who, she was surprised to see, was looking at her too. In the flickering light of the fire, her friend looked more beautiful than she ever did. Amy lifted her eyebrows, and Karma nodded with a smile. She loved how they could have entire conversations just in glances, and even through her constricted feelings, she felt the flutter and the happiness of knowing, _really_ knowing this time, the wonderful feeling of being in love with Amy. Karma tried not to search Amy's gaze for traces of regret or longing—though she could easily have found them. If it was meant to happen, she thought, it'd happen.

But now, the clock struck zero, and everyone was cheering, and she was cheering, and she hugged Felix, and she, Shane and Noah immediately broke into song, and she they downed their champagne glasses in one go, only to go in for seconds. She broke away to meet Amy with a hug. Breathing in her best friend's scent, feeling every contour of her body, Karma knew it was going to be a long night. But there was something in Amy's smile when she pulled back, something in the way her fingers lingered on her hips for just one moment, that made Karma feel like maybe this new year might be the best one they'd ever had.


End file.
